Monday, 27 October 2014

This Is Just Macabre

"Say Goodbye, You Know I've Tried..."


Welcome back. This will be Part 3 of the Month of Macabre list thing. I think we're coming into the section of stuff where I don't really know what I'll come up with for some of them. But sure we might as well get through it. Together we can do it.

There's the list to remind you of it. I think I'm at Number 20. I'll go as far as 25 or 26 for this blog and finish it all in my next. maybe I'll get the last one up on The 'Ween. Or sometime in November.

"But Now The Time To Mourn Has Died"

20: Most Badass Final Girl

Ellen Ripley from Aliens. Notice I said Aliens and not Alien. There are two reasons. 1) Aliens was the first film of the series I ever saw. It also involved me waking up at night when I was young and going into the sitting room while my parents were watching it and I decided to stay up and watch it too. Why did I always wake up when horror films were on? And what kind of parents did I have who would let a young child watch Aliens? Awesome parents I would say.
b) Ripley wasn't really a "badass" at the end of the first film. Sure it takes some badassery to survive while all your friends are being eaten by an alien but nothing beats carrying a child and a pulse rifle/ flamethrower combo while fending off an alien queen. And then getting into a power loader and fighting some more. If anything, Ripley is the greatest final person, male or female, in all of cinema.

Jonesy was the real star.

21: Favourite Director

No doubt it has to be John Carpenter. Or Takashi Miike. Or Guillermo del Toro.
John Carpenter for making some of the most enduring and entertaining films ever. And for being too far ahead of his time. Nobody cared about The Thing when it first came out but now it's considered one of the greatest horror films ever. He also created the slasher genre with Halloween. Made fog scary and made Kurt Russell an action hero in one film and an idiot in another.
Takashi Miike pushed the envelope with some of his films. There's things in his films that Hollywood would never dream of in their worst nightmares, let alone think of putting them in a film. He was very prolific. In one year he made about 14 films. If you want crazy films where you don't know what's going on then watch some of his. Start with Gozu. I believe that without him we wouldn't have the Japanese Super Gore (that's one of mine) films like Tokyo Gore Police or The Machine Girl. He was also the only director in the Masters of Horror series not to have his episode be shown on TV because it was "the most disturbing film" that the producer, also a horror director, had ever seen.
Guillermo del Toro is a genius. If you have ever seen Pan's Labyrinth then you know what I mean. If you've been keeping up with my blogs you already know how much I idolise him. I love every film he has made. He can do horror (The Devil's Backbone), action (Blade II), fantasy (Pan's Labyrinth) and combine all those genres and make Hellboy. Also, if you were ever a child you should love Pacific Rim.

This is the kind of stuff you can expect from miike.

22: Your Horror Collection

This is the best picture we have of my collection at the moment. Everything is pretty much stored away until we can get space to unleash it all. This is about half of my horror DVDs and I have plenty more toys and stuff, like my Captain Spaulding doll and Bert the zombie. I have numerous t-shirts from Fright Rags and other places. Someday in the near future I'll hopefully get to show them all off.

Everything is mine except the TARDIS just appeared one day.

"It's Cold Inside The Worm..."

23: Most Awesome One-Liner

"You OK?" - Tucker from Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil.
I can't say when or why he says this in case some of you haven't seen it but for those of you that have you will know why it's so good. And the way he says it makes it hilarious.

24: Favourite Cursed Object

I was having trouble trying to think of something for this, which is always the way when you try to sit down and think of something. But then Aishling told me to go with Hellraiser. Even though she hasn't seen it but I'm sure if you haven't seen the film you're still aware of the puzzle box. I haven't watched Hellraiser in a good while. The last time I did watch it I remember the effects were still really good. Apart from one part where they had to use CGI because they ran out of money which just proves that CGI is worthless. Unless it's done by Peter Jackson. But then his 20 year old practical zombie effects are still better than his 10 year old Lord of the Rings effects.

25: Do The Thriller Dance


26: Favourite Killer Robot

Technically, I would say Kruger from Elysium is a robot since he has special enhancements and an exoskeleton. But if you're gonna be pedantic about it then I'll go for the robots from Chopping Mall. Some teens get stuck in a shopping mall after hours and the robotic security malfunctions and three killer robots are set loose in the mall. How could you not want to see that?

It has the star power of that guy from Gremlins 1 and 2

"Nothing Ever Bothers Me Now"


Well that wasn't so bad. I did have plenty to talk about. The last few on the list should be harder for me to come up with something because torture porn films are the worst ever made and how the hell do you not come across as some kind of sexually frustrated horror nerd by choosing a cutest demon/possession? I'm sure I'll manage anyway. In the meantime enjoy this awesome Devin Townsend Project song. Try not to confuse it with Devin Townsend Band or even just Devin Townsend. The man never stops.


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