Saturday, 16 January 2016

I Live, I Die, I Live Again

Coca Cola Lipstick Ring

It may be a little late but here is my favourite films from 2015. Not all were released in 2015 but this is a list of films that I saw last year that were new to me. They will be in no particular order but I may keep my film of the year for the end along with my most hated film of the year. Unless I change my mind half way through writing this. Before we get started God has something to say:


Frank is the story of a musician who meets up with more talented musicians who are friends with a genius who happens to wear a giant fake head. This is an incredibly fun and sad film. It's really well written and Michael Fassbender shows that you can still be a good actor without having to show your face. Sam Worthington should study this film. Or just go away. I'm for the latter.

Big Eyes

I had forgotten that i saw Big Eyes until I was going through my list of films. That doesn't mean that it's a bad film. It's just that it was about a year age since I saw it. Tim Burton tells us the story of how a man takes credit for his wife's paintings and the court battle that ensues. It doesn't feel like a Tim Burton film because it doesn't have any of the fanastical sets that we have become accustomed to but you can see how these paintings has influenced his work so I believe he was the best man for the job.


I didn't know the full story before watching the film, only a few bits that i picked up reading synopsis' of the film and so I wasn't prepared for what really happened. It's one of those thing where you can't believe it happened. It's just too strange. But then rich people are fucked up anyway. Just like Batman. Steve Carell is totally different to how you remember him and even Tanning Chatum acts. But then he went and ruined it by doing garbage again.


Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu deservedly won the Oscar for Best Director for Birdman. It's done in one shot style with a few breaks but it looks great. And Michael Keaton proves that he is a very underrated actor because he is amazing as the actor famous for playing a superhero in the past and now trying to remain relevant. Do you suppose they knew the Batman connection? Weird.

John Wick

Bad people kill Keanu Reeves' dog so he shoots everyone in the head, That's pretty much the plot of the film but it is an enjoyable action film. Simple and fun.

Big Hero 6

I honestly can't remember if I saw this the year before or not but it's worth putting here in case some of you have yet to see it. So go and watch it, What are you waiting for? Hairy baby!!


Some people didn't like Chappie but I loved it. I think Neil Blomkamp will find it hard to top District 9 but I'm happy for him to do whatever he likes. Especially if that next thing will be an Alien film. As for Chappie, it's about a police enforcement robot who gets a special AI and he becomes self-aware and is like a real boy as he taught how to be a gangster. It's "gangsta" Pinocchio crossed with Robocop. And the Robocop reference doesn't end there... *wink wink*

The Theory of Everything

This is the story of Stephen Hawking as told from the perspective of his ex-wife. It is a great film about Stephen Hawking's life dealing with his disease but I find it lacks something and I think that is from being from someone else's point of view rather than Stephen Hawking's. But Eddie Redmayne is perfect in the role.


I didn't get to see Interstellar in the cinema and I wish I had because it must have looked awesome on the big screen. Yet this didn't stop people complaining about it. I had heard bad things about it before watching it and I have to say I don't know what those idiots were talking about. It is a long film and can be quite confusing at times but that still doesn't take away from how good it is. I think these people are from this new breed where they have to shit on films or directors who are getting too famous. It's happened to Wes Anderson too. Bunch of benders these fuckers are.


Nightcrawler is a strange film. Jake Gyllenhaal starts filming night time crime scenes and accidents. All while letting his bug eyes creep you out. But that's not the strange part. It's the fact that unlike most films there is no real character development. In, let's say, Chronicle, the whiney loser at the start develops into a whiney loser by the end but with powers. In this, Jake Gyllenhaal is the same weirdo he was at the start. No powers or anything.


I wasn't a big fan of Rush. It's an OK biopic about the rivalry between James Hunt and Niki Lauda. The problem is that the film made it out that they both hated each other when in fact they were kind of good friends and respected each other. It did make me realise just how bad Ron Howard is as a director. You're better off watching a real documentary.


Paddington is a glorious film about the marmalade loving Peruvian bear. We watched it around summertime but it is more of a Christmas film. So we watched it again on Christmas day. Everone should like this film. Young or old. If you don't then you can stick with your Fast & Furious vroom-vroom films.

Avengers: Age of Ultron

I really liked Age of Ultron but I didn't love it. It wasn't as good as the first Avengers film but this does have James Spader as a big talking robot. I think the expectation was too high for it especially following The Winter Soldier. Plus there was interference from the studio and you should just let certain directors do what they want.

Edge of Tomorrow

If you know me then you know how much I hated Tom Cruise. I wouldn't watch any of his films because I didn't like him. He's always the smiling tiny hero. But I watched Edge of Tomorrow for some reason and I really liked it. I think because Cruise is just a smiling tiny asshole in this. It's like how I hated Colin Farrell until I saw Seven Psychopaths.

Jurassic World

"You're gonna need a bigger park." Or a better one. Is it just me or are kids more annoying in films now? The original is awesome and I remember seeing it in the cinema and even now it's still a masterpiece. I also went to see it in Imax on the 20th anniversary. Jeff Goldbum bod in 3D. But this sequel didn't do anything for me. All I did while watching it was point out all the stupid things the characters were doing and how much I wanted those kids to be eaten. I will say that it was a little better the second time around. Maybe because I got all the complaints out of me the first time.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

What a blast this film was. If you want a good spy/action film then go with this. Aishling, unlike many other wimmins who were all "Oh Mr. Darcy, who's taking the horse to France? teeheehee", never liked Colin Firth in that way until she saw him beat up a bunch of chavs. And Samuel L. Jackson has fun being the megalomanical bad guy. Once you get to the church scene this should become one of your favourite films.


What's better than one Tom Hardy? Two Tom Hardys. And better than that is two Tom Hardys as psychotic gangsters. And according to Aishling having them topless would be even better again. Legend is a fantastic film about the story of the Kray twins. I read a review where the reviewer said that Tom Hardy's acting was poor in this. That reviewer is an imbecile. I don't think it's actually possible for Tom Hardy to act badly. And i think that's more than enough times to write "Tom Hardy" in a paragraph.

Straight Outta Compton

When we came out of Legend we decided to go straight into Straight Outta Compton. Two biopics in one day. If you don't already know, Straight Outta Compton is the story of the formation and eventual break up of NWA. It's at times funny and sad while also scary as to what some of the members went through even before and after they became famous. It glosses over some of the members contributions but it's still worth a watch. And as like most musical biopics it will give you a new appreciation for the music.

I was debating whether to put this in because it's just another Bond film. Same shit, different baddie. It's good at times but ultimately it's the same story. It begins with action that makes you think that it could be good but then the terrible Bond song and credits come on and it's same old same old. Ah here comes the sexism. But wait, The bad guy is actually really good. This could be interesting. No. Sexism again, More sexism. Sexist Bond comment. Sexism. The bad guy is back. Yes! Nope. He's just become a mindless idiot who just wants to kill Bond. What happened to his evil genius brain? Shouldn't he think this out instead of shooting everything? He's dead. Bond. James Bond. Banal remark. Sexism. Sequel.

Terminator: Genisys

Take the first two films. Freeze them. Hasta la vista, baby the shite out of them and walk away to let them melt and form together. Sounds good, doesn't it? But instead someone came along and decided to write a script from memory and what we got was this film. It's by no means a terrible film but it is a typical Hollywood action film with an old terminator. And we've seen most of it before and done better and without Jai Courtney.

Crimson Peak

Guillermo del Toro should be allowed make what he wants. I keep saying that but nobody bothers listening to me. Don't come into this, like most people did, expecting a straight up horror film with jump scares or gore like the Saws or Insidiousssss. Insidii? This is a romantic gothic ghost story. The film even tells you so within the first 10 minutes. Del Toro made a gorgeous looking film just like the ones that influenced him. Shot on actual sets and not in front of green screens. If you can appreciate true art then this is for you because you get to see Tom Hiddleston's butt.

Inside Out

This is a psychological sci-fi thriller about a girl who is being controlled by little creatures inside her head. Actually, Google says it's an animated comedy-drama adventure film. That's not what i thought while watching it. But it is excellent. just don't bring up Bing Bong. Shit!

Pee Wee's Big Adventure

I'm putting this in here because if you haven't seen it you need to. It's insane. I still don't understand it. It's something about a man with the brain of a child going on a road trip across America to recover his bicycle and he meets many strange characters. I guess it's kind of a modern retelling of Jack Kerouac's On The Road.

There Are No Strings On Me

That was the list of some of the new films I saw last year. I still have my film of the year to go but before then I have my most hated films. There are two of them so here they are.

Robocop (2014)

Why? Why did this need to be made? The original is the single greatest film ever made. The remake contains nothing of what made the original so great. The title is the only thing that links these two films. Where the original had the underlying Jesus resurrection thing this one has Robot Cop shooting other robots with stun bullet things. And the last shoot out is in the dark. What is the point of that? I wouldn't buy this shit for a dollar. And what the fuck is with the hand?

Poltergeist (2015)

We watched this remake pretty much straight after watching the original so there was o way we couldn't compare the two. And I will tell you that the original is infinitely better than this. When the remake was announced I was against it because as we all know remakes are shit. But then it came out that Sam Rockwell was gonna be in it so i thought maybe it will be passable. But no. Sam Rockwell doesn't even try. The best example I can give of how different the two films are is when the kid gets taken to the other side. In the original Craig T. Nelson, after a few days, looks like he hasn't slept or washed. You can tell he's having a bad time of it. But in the remake Sam Rockwell looks like he just stepped out of his trailer and is thinking about his next roll. Avoid this one. Or don't. I'm not your mom.

Witness Me!

So now we come to my film of the year. And if you haven't guessed what it is yet then you won't rise from the ashes of this world.

Mad Max: Fury Road

I saw Fury Road five times in three different counties in a month. That's how much i loved it. It's such a simple story but with amazing looking stunts and some of the best characters outside of a Roald Dahl book. Even if they don't have much to say. Even the fringe characters are some of the best and original. You need only look as far as Doof Warrior to see how imaginative this film is.

You get 45 minutes of non-stop action through a desert and then after a 10 minute break you get another 45 minutes of non-stop action through the desert in the opposite direction. It's such a simple idea but where other action films throw in a love story or some kind of bullshit just to try be emotional and connect with the viewer, Fury Road says "fuck that, here's another crazy stunt instead". Perfection.

Shiny and Chrome

So there you have it. My films of 2015. This year is starting off good too. I have The Hateful Eight and The Revenant to see and then there's the comic book blockbusters in the summer. Some people may be against those films but fuck 'em. I'm looking forward to them. I do hope Batman vs. Superman ends up being better than it currently looks in trailers. And Civil War may be the Civil Rights film of our time.
Comment below if you have any comments or comment type things to say about my films or the films you watched. But keep it fresh.

We started with God and now we end with Alien God.