Saturday, 17 August 2013

Today I Talk About The Apocalypse


Pacific Rim may not be getting a sequel. If that's not a sign of the apocalypse then i don't know what is.
The fact that more people went to see Grown Ups 2 than went to see Pacific Rim must have something to do with one of the Horsemen. Possibly the fifth Horseman: Retard. Because if you haven't seen Pacific Rim and absolutely loved it then Retard the Horseman must have touched you. Inappropriately too, I bet.

I've decided not to endorse your shark


First off I will say something about Imax 3D. If you read my last main blog post then you'll know what I think of it. I had never been to an Imax film before and I decided (on the day I saw Mastodon) that I would like to see one and I designated Pacific Rim as the film that I would want to see in this new way. So me and the little lady booked our tickets online (it's cheaper that way) and headed to the big city. There were posters outside the screen saying something like: "You can see a movie or be a part of it." I thought it was a bit boastful and didn't think anything of it. Until I actually put on the glasses and got to see something in Imax 3D.

You're gonna need a bigger park


The first thing I saw in this new style was a trailer for Jurassic Park 3D and it looks outstanding. From the Gallimimus' running, to Jeff Goldblum's foot in your face. Remember when you first saw Jurassic Park and the feeling you got that it was something special? Imax 3D will give you that feeling again 20 years later. And if I get the chance to see it again I can't wait to have the T-Rex roaring in my face. A bit like when I went to Walking with Dinosaurs last year. Imax 3D may have ruined normal 3D films for me but I already hated them anyway, I just now know for definite that they are a waste of money. Imax 3D, just like garlic bread, IS the future.

Pacific Rimmed


From the first trailer I knew that I would love this film. Not only is it about giant robots fighting giant monsters but it was made by Guillermo del Toro. The man doesn't know how to make a bad film. He's made two of my favourite comic book movies in Hellboy 1 and 2 and I don't think anyone can hate Pan's Labyrinth, and if you do then you need to learn to read (I'm assuming you hated it because it has subtitles). Del toro is still a kid at heart and it shows in the different creatures he makes. A lot of them could only be thought up by a child. Albeit a child who has nightmares a lot. If I owned a film studio I would give del Toro as much money as he wanted just so he could keep making the films he wants and we deserve. Also he geeks out when he sees a giant Gundam robot. Witness:

If you have read other reviews you may think this is a "dumb" summer film. While it's not a "smart" film like Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy it is far from dumb. I would say Prometheus is a dumb film, but that's more down to the film having been written by a a group of 7 year olds. Transformers is a dumb film. Actually I would say the Transformers films had been ass blasted by Retard the Horseman. Similarly Michael Bay. But if you enjoyed Avengers Assemble (or whatever it's called this week) and didn't think it was silly, what with all the aliens, gods and the roided up super human, then you should have no problem with Pacific Rim.

The acting isn't the best. But really if you're watching this for the acting then you're not doing it right. This is a film all about the spectacle. It's a blockbuster the way it's supposed to be done. Don't let the story get in the way. It's about GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING GIANT MONSTERS. But still it makes you care about some of the characters such as Ron Perlman and Charlie Day. Besides, you should be caring about them in real life as it is.

So as we've discovered the acting isn't the best and the story leaves a little to be desired but what makes this such a great film is GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING GIANT MONSTERS. As a child if you had toys and an imagination then you will love seeing your toys duking it out on the big screen. This is what Imax 3D was waiting for. You feel like you're actually in the film and could touch Charlie Hunnam on the shoulder (or somewhere else, am I right ladies?). Also my favourite part was when the little helicopters would fly by and you think you could catch them because they looked so small compared to the Jaegers and Kaiju.

In conclusion, as if you couldn't guess, Pacific Rim is an awesome blockbuster film. It's just a shame that it may not be thought of that way due to a bad American box office. But there is hope. It has done amazingly well in China, which once again has saved America for their poor decisions, and there is talk of a sequel.

The best review I can give this film is that after the first 20 minutes I turned to Aishling and said "Is this the best film we have ever seen?", but I already knew the answer. So just imagine how much better it gets in the next two hours.

Go there if you like the pictures of the Jaegers.

"Fish are friends, not food"


Recommendation time. This time I recommend:
Tokyo Gore Police.
If you have ever wanted to enter the world of Japanese Super Gore then this is a good place to start. Just don't expect to come out of it the same person you were when you went in. You will see things.

Well that's it again. Hope you liked it. And remember:

Friday, 9 August 2013

Some Terrible News

"I want to know who you're meeting in the cemetery"

I have decided to update my blog more often and the best way to do this will be to give my views on recent news items in the world of film and music and anything else I feel like doing because it's my blog and I can do what I want.

"Look at the pelican fly. Come on pelican!"

 First up is the news of a remake of Scarface.
We all know that Al Pacino IS Scarface. So trying to recreate the character with anyone else would be like Kanye West trying to convince people he's Jesus. You can tell people you're the second coming all you want but Jesus would never have to tell people he's Jesus. And he wouldn't be such an arrogant, talentless gay fish either.
But I digress. Here's a quote from The Hollywood Reporter about what the film will be about:
Each [of the previous films] were crime sagas telling the rise and fall of a gangster, and each was a mirror of their time. The 1932 version was set in Chicago and featured bootlegging, Italians and Irish mobsters. The 1983 version was set in Latin-loving Miami and cocaine was the vice of choice.
The new Scarface is planned to be the same: a crime tale set in today’s world, offering a dark look at the American Dream.
So it's going to be about today's "American Dream"? I guess we can expect Tanning Chatum teaming up with Sam "One Character" Worthington to stop a black man from taking their guns away all while trying to prevent abortions and breaking up gay marriages.


A Host of problems.

Well really only one. Snowpiercer is the new film from The Host director Bong Joon-ho. It is doing amazingly well in Korean cinemas but that hasn't stopped Harvey Weinstein from wanting to cut 20 minutes from the film to dumb it down for American audiences (pretty much his own words). The film is only 126 minutes as it is and if 20 minutes were to be cut from it it would "eliminate much of the character detail, which would make the film seem more like an action movie." I'm sure not all Americans need or want films cut so they think their watching another Michael Bay film. It's just another case of an asshole film exec maiming an artists work just to fill his pockets.

Whatever happened to originality?

Akira is back. But only as an Americanised live action film. That doesn't make a lick of sense. That's like remaking a Lucio Fulci film without the dubbed voices and with CGI effects. Nobody wants it. You know why? Because it lacks a soul. Apparently Warner's want to get it made because they are unhappy with the lack of box office made from recent films like Pacific Rim. If there's one way to make money from Americans who don't like giant robots and monsters based on Japanese anime and kaiju films it's by making a live action film based on a Japanese manga and anime.

"It's always with the goddamn fucking chicken"

So I should end on a pretty good note, the remake of Poltergeist may have Sam Rockwell in it. Now that's how you cast for a remake.

This blog was brought to you by an ad for Lucio Fulci season on horror channel and Little Miss Sunshine which is on now. Not on horror channel.
I hope my next blog isn't as much an attack on Americans as this one seems to be. But just in case you were wondering, I do not have any oil so don't bother attacking back. Unless you want sunflower oil.