Thursday, 12 September 2013

Jurassic World?

"They'll fix you. They fix everything"

They don't always fix it for the better. And sometimes things don't need fixing at all. The above quote is from the original RoboCop film. I think you can guess where I'm going with this now. This week had the reveal of the first trailer for the new RoboCop which basically took everything awesome about the original and dumped it into a vat of toxic waste and then drove a van into its poor froggy face.

I'm not gonna put up the trailer here. Call it my civic duty. You can find it yourself but just know that the suit is all wrong, how Murphy ends up near death is PG-13 and there was nary a sign of one of the funny awesome TV ads from the original. Also I don't understand how his voice is normal but when he puts his helmet on it goes all robotic?

You have 20 years to comply

This year marked the 20th anniversary of possibly one of the best films to come out in the 90s. I remember seeing Jurassic Park when it first came out in 1993 when I was 10 years old. Now 20 years later I got to see it again in the cinema at the ripe old age of 26. This time in 3D. And if you've been paying attention to my previous blogs you should know that I will only watch 3D films in Imax from now on. And so I did with Jurassic Park. And it looked amazing. One part in particular when the raptors are after the kids and one of them sticks his head up and it looked like he was in the front row of the cinema and you want to yell "Down in front." Who doesn't want a creature coming that close to them?

The only way they could have made Jurassic Park better all those years ago was to make you feel a part of it. It only took 20 years but now you can feel like you're hiding behind the tree with Dr. Grant and the kids as they watch the T-Rex attack the Gallimimus'. At least you could feel like that if it had stayed in the cinema longer. I don't know why all these great films are only out for a limited time while so much crap is shown for nearly a month. An hour would be too long for a lot of them.

  If the chance ever arises again you should drop everything and go see it. Hopefully you won't be surrounded by a bunch of hipster wads who have to laugh at every little joke just to let everyone know that they got it. You don't know Hell until you hear terrible haircuts in the dark going "Huh huh huh."

"Well give the man a hand"

This past weekend I also watched two horror films. Not my usual fare of awesome 80's films or Japanese Super Gore. Or terrible horrors for that matter. But actual made in the last few years horrors. The first one was Insidious. I had been meaning to watch it for a long time and the TV decided it was about time too. I have to say it was quite enjoyable. It was made by the Saw guys and they do know how to do horror on a budget. The best part being that they didn't rely on an over abundance of CGI like most horror films do these days. The actual ghosts were played by actual people in costumes which added to the tension. Nothing takes you out of a film more than some fake ass shit.

The second half of my horror double bill was Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. It's about little creatures who live in the dark and befriend a small human girl but are evil little buggers. Unfortunately because of the rating it didn't/couldn't have people being killed which I thought took something away from it. It just needed that little push over the edge. Even though it was co-written by Guillermo del Toro it still lacked his style. I think that had he directed it himself it would have had the fairytale feel which would work for the story and if there were more kills it would have made it more grown up.

"Your move, creep"

That's the end of that now. All that is left is for my recommendation and for you to admit that you read those Franklin quotes in his voice.
Since you watched Tokyo Gore Police last time (yeah right) I think I'll be gentle on you this time.

Monster Squad

A delightful tale about the Universal monsters coming to a small town with plans to take over the world and some kids who befriend Frankenstein. And the Wolfman has got nards.
Also Tom Noonen play Frankenstein and he was in the sequel to the film that I quoted about the place here. It all ties together and you didn't even know. Without me you'd just go on living your life not knowing that. You're welcome. High five!?

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