It's Over. For Now...

"Atatata Taata Taatatata Zukkyun!"

It's the end of October and for The 'Ween I have the last part of the Month of Macabre. Number 27 to 31. Here are parts One, Two and Three in case you haven't read them or want to remember what came before. And here is the list one last time.

"Wadadada Daada Daadadada Dokkyun"

27: Scariest Monster

Since I don't find any monsters scary nowadays because monsters in horror films now are either stupid looking or the person holding the camera can't stop shaking it and you just wish they'd shut up and get eaten by the monster. How about you get a tripod and sit the camera on it so we can get a good five second look at the monster instead of a total of ten shaky seconds looking at parts of a creature?
Anyway, I will go for any of the monsters from John Carpenter's The Thing. They are all unique and like any practical effects from the 80s they still look good today. Imagine, The Thing is 32 years old now. The effects and Kurt Russell still look badass after all those years.

28: Spookiest Haunted House

The house from House on Haunted Hill. Vincent Price's house, not Geoffrey Rush's. People are invited to spend the night in the house and if they can stay the whole night they will be given money. But the house is supposedly haunted and strange goings-on... go on and some people are murdered. Like in all his films, Vincent Price gives an astounding performance. He comes to act and doesn't let up. Maybe some people these days should learn from him. If you think your film is crap then try make it good yourself rather than bitching about it afterwards. Ungrateful pricks.

"You think you're cool?"

29: Sickest Torture Porn
29: Best Foreign Horror Film

I was thinking of picking Ringu for this one but then thought that if anyone needs to be told that it's superior to the shitty remake then they need to just drown themselves in a well.
My choice will be R-Point. It's a South Korean film about a squad sent to rescue a missing platoon in Vietnam after receiving an S.O.S transmission. I first saw the film at an Asian film festival over a weekend in Dublin with my brother. I think this was the first film shown and while the other five films were great this was by far the best. I found the film to be quite nerve-racking. It was a long time before and since that I felt that way watching a film.

An awful lot of Deadpool comes up when you search R-Point images.

"Zukyun! Dokyun! Zukyun! Dokyun!"

30: Cutest Demon/Possession

What a stupid question this is. Am I supposed to be attracted to the demon or what? I'm gonna think outside the box with this one and go with the demonic cat from Hausu. Is a cat cute enough for you? It's kind of hard to describe Hausu. Some girls go to one of their aunt's house and weird things happen that you need to see. Do so as soon as possible. You will not regret it. And if you do then you can stick to Transformers. That might be more tailored to your mental age.

31: Best Halloween Party Scene

I'm going with a classic for this one. It's a short film but at the end there's an awesome party scene with all your favourite monster characters. I don't think it was a Halloween party but since it's my film I'm changing it for the purposes of this.

 

 

"Yada! Yada! Yada! Yada! Never! Never! Never!"

 

This brings the Month of Macabre to an end. Or does it? It does...? It's not like a horror film, it will be over. Or will it?

Since today is The 'Ween what better song to have than this one by BabyMetal. We all know that when you say "Trick or Treat" you really mean "Gimme Chocolate".

Happy 'Ween to all you 'Weeners.

This Is Just Macabre

"Say Goodbye, You Know I've Tried..."

 

Welcome back. This will be Part 3 of the Month of Macabre list thing. I think we're coming into the section of stuff where I don't really know what I'll come up with for some of them. But sure we might as well get through it. Together we can do it.

There's the list to remind you of it. I think I'm at Number 20. I'll go as far as 25 or 26 for this blog and finish it all in my next. maybe I'll get the last one up on The 'Ween. Or sometime in November.

"But Now The Time To Mourn Has Died"

20: Most Badass Final Girl

Ellen Ripley from Aliens. Notice I said Aliens and not Alien. There are two reasons. 1) Aliens was the first film of the series I ever saw. It also involved me waking up at night when I was young and going into the sitting room while my parents were watching it and I decided to stay up and watch it too. Why did I always wake up when horror films were on? And what kind of parents did I have who would let a young child watch Aliens? Awesome parents I would say.
b) Ripley wasn't really a "badass" at the end of the first film. Sure it takes some badassery to survive while all your friends are being eaten by an alien but nothing beats carrying a child and a pulse rifle/ flamethrower combo while fending off an alien queen. And then getting into a power loader and fighting some more. If anything, Ripley is the greatest final person, male or female, in all of cinema.

Jonesy was the real star.

21: Favourite Director

No doubt it has to be John Carpenter. Or Takashi Miike. Or Guillermo del Toro.
John Carpenter for making some of the most enduring and entertaining films ever. And for being too far ahead of his time. Nobody cared about The Thing when it first came out but now it's considered one of the greatest horror films ever. He also created the slasher genre with Halloween. Made fog scary and made Kurt Russell an action hero in one film and an idiot in another.
Takashi Miike pushed the envelope with some of his films. There's things in his films that Hollywood would never dream of in their worst nightmares, let alone think of putting them in a film. He was very prolific. In one year he made about 14 films. If you want crazy films where you don't know what's going on then watch some of his. Start with Gozu. I believe that without him we wouldn't have the Japanese Super Gore (that's one of mine) films like Tokyo Gore Police or The Machine Girl. He was also the only director in the Masters of Horror series not to have his episode be shown on TV because it was "the most disturbing film" that the producer, also a horror director, had ever seen.
Guillermo del Toro is a genius. If you have ever seen Pan's Labyrinth then you know what I mean. If you've been keeping up with my blogs you already know how much I idolise him. I love every film he has made. He can do horror (The Devil's Backbone), action (Blade II), fantasy (Pan's Labyrinth) and combine all those genres and make Hellboy. Also, if you were ever a child you should love Pacific Rim.

This is the kind of stuff you can expect from miike.

22: Your Horror Collection

This is the best picture we have of my collection at the moment. Everything is pretty much stored away until we can get space to unleash it all. This is about half of my horror DVDs and I have plenty more toys and stuff, like my Captain Spaulding doll and Bert the zombie. I have numerous t-shirts from Fright Rags and other places. Someday in the near future I'll hopefully get to show them all off.

Everything is mine except the TARDIS just appeared one day.

"It's Cold Inside The Worm..."

23: Most Awesome One-Liner

"You OK?" - Tucker from Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil.
I can't say when or why he says this in case some of you haven't seen it but for those of you that have you will know why it's so good. And the way he says it makes it hilarious.

24: Favourite Cursed Object

I was having trouble trying to think of something for this, which is always the way when you try to sit down and think of something. But then Aishling told me to go with Hellraiser. Even though she hasn't seen it but I'm sure if you haven't seen the film you're still aware of the puzzle box. I haven't watched Hellraiser in a good while. The last time I did watch it I remember the effects were still really good. Apart from one part where they had to use CGI because they ran out of money which just proves that CGI is worthless. Unless it's done by Peter Jackson. But then his 20 year old practical zombie effects are still better than his 10 year old Lord of the Rings effects.

25: Do The Thriller Dance

No.

26: Favourite Killer Robot

Technically, I would say Kruger from Elysium is a robot since he has special enhancements and an exoskeleton. But if you're gonna be pedantic about it then I'll go for the robots from Chopping Mall. Some teens get stuck in a shopping mall after hours and the robotic security malfunctions and three killer robots are set loose in the mall. How could you not want to see that?

It has the star power of that guy from Gremlins 1 and 2

"Nothing Ever Bothers Me Now"

 

Well that wasn't so bad. I did have plenty to talk about. The last few on the list should be harder for me to come up with something because torture porn films are the worst ever made and how the hell do you not come across as some kind of sexually frustrated horror nerd by choosing a cutest demon/possession? I'm sure I'll manage anyway. In the meantime enjoy this awesome Devin Townsend Project song. Try not to confuse it with Devin Townsend Band or even just Devin Townsend. The man never stops.


 

It's Pronounced Ma-Cab-Ree

"Step Inside, See The Devil In I"

Time for another round of the The Month Of Macabre. Today is the 19th so I will go from 11 to 19 in this blog. If you need a reminder of the list I suppose I could leave it here:

"Too Many Times We've Let It Come To This"

11: Coolest Transformation

An American Werewolf in London. Another film I saw (or was subjected to) when I was around 9. The transformation from man to beast is still the best to this day. And it's 33 years old now. It just goes to show how much better practical effects are compared to CGI. CGI is outdated a week after it has been digitised. Which is why if they remake Gremlins they better keep the "computer wizards" the fuck away from it.

Insert "playing with his mickey" joke here.

12: Best Zombie Franchise

Romero's Living Dead series. I haven't seen Survival of the Dead and I think I only liked Diary of the Dead because I was after binging on some hilarious badly dubbed Italian zombie films beforehand so compared to them Diary was like Citizen Kane American Beauty. But for Night, Dawn and Day it will always be the best franchise. Plus when you give it a chance, Land of the Dead is pretty good too.

13: Favourite Friday The 13th Moment

In Jason X (which does count as a Friday The 13th movie) Jason comes across two teens who offer him beer and weed and then asks him if he'd like to partake in some premarital sex. What else would you do when faced with that proposition? Why, beat up one girl with the other while both are tied up in sleeping bags of course. And then bash one against a tree. Perfect. I would have went with the tree bashing from Part VII but it had been cut down from the theatrical six hits to just one.

"No one cared who I was until I put on the mask"

14: Favourite Freddy Moment

Easy. "Welcome to primetime, bitch" from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. The third film is a great movie. I would rank it as the second best film in the franchise. It had some ingenious kills and was before Freddy started to become a parody of himself. And Dokken wrote the theme song. Unfortunately part 4 had a rap song. Is it a coincidence Freddy started to suck when he went to rap music?

When people say their baby is beautiful, this is what I see.

15: Biggest Crush

Should I answer this? Aishling, if you're reading this just skip on to the next one. I guess at the time of watching it for the first time maybe Nancy from A Nightmare on Elm Street.

This should annoy Aishling a lot.

"Step Inside, See the Devil In I"

 

16: Guilty Pleasure Movie

Does this mean a terrible film that I enjoy watching? Or one that I get pleasure from watching and should feel guilty for doing so? House of the Dead is a tremendously awful film based on the video game of the same name and was made by Uwe Boll. I've seen that two or three times which I suppose is two or three times more than anyone should. Uwe Boll makes some of the worst movies ever. And he always gets given money to make them. I will say this though, I have more of his films in my collection than I do of Eli Roth's. So that tells you how much I hate the likes of Hostel and all those torture porn films. So I guess I'll be skipping number 29 when I get to it.

Honestly, this screenshot from the game is way better than anything from the film.

17: Ugliest Alien

Can an alien be ugly? To us maybe but to their own species? Do they understand our interpretation of ugly? What if what we presume is "ugly" is actually their "normal" or "not bad" or "Tanning Chatum". You know, has a big misshapen head but for some reason people find him attractive. A lot of aliens do have big misshapen heads too. Did I just figure out that Tanning Chatum is an alien? If so, then I pick him as ugliest alien.

Seriously, that hat would be huge on a normal head.

18: Best Popular Song In A Movie

Since I don't know or care about other people's "popular" music I'm just going to go with a song I like. Aishling said I can't pick Pantera's Avoid the Light since I have never seen Dracula 2000, but then who has. Although, looking at the cast now maybe I should watch it. Just for Nathon Fillion as a priest. I am going for Lynyrd Skynyrd's Free Bird at the end of The Devil's Rejects. I think in a previous blog I mentioned how awesome the song is. It was also in GTA San Andreas and I remember it came on the radio while I was driving a tractor so I drove that tractor for the next 9 minutes just to hear the song. Also it turned out you couldn't modify a tractor. I wanted to put hydraulics on it.

"Fuck you for not putting spinning rims on my rusty tractor"

19: Favourite Halloween Special

I can't really think of one but since nobody complained about me picking Scrooged in the last blog and it's really a Christmas film I'm going to pick The League of Gentleman's Christmas Special. It's really a horror anthology that takes place at Christmas so I think it works. I think The League of Gentlemen always works as a horror.

"You'll Realise I'm Not Your Devil Any More"

And that is that. For now. I will continue on again in the next week or so. If you were able to guess the song that the quotes are from then you are rewarded with this video of the song. If you didn't guess correctly then you will be punished with this video of an awesome song.