I Live, I Die, I Live Again

Coca Cola Lipstick Ring

It may be a little late but here is my favourite films from 2015. Not all were released in 2015 but this is a list of films that I saw last year that were new to me. They will be in no particular order but I may keep my film of the year for the end along with my most hated film of the year. Unless I change my mind half way through writing this. Before we get started God has something to say:

Frank
Frank is the story of a musician who meets up with more talented musicians who are friends with a genius who happens to wear a giant fake head. This is an incredibly fun and sad film. It's really well written and Michael Fassbender shows that you can still be a good actor without having to show your face. Sam Worthington should study this film. Or just go away. I'm for the latter.

Big Eyes
I had forgotten that i saw Big Eyes until I was going through my list of films. That doesn't mean that it's a bad film. It's just that it was about a year age since I saw it. Tim Burton tells us the story of how a man takes credit for his wife's paintings and the court battle that ensues. It doesn't feel like a Tim Burton film because it doesn't have any of the fanastical sets that we have become accustomed to but you can see how these paintings has influenced his work so I believe he was the best man for the job.

Foxcatcher
I didn't know the full story before watching the film, only a few bits that i picked up reading synopsis' of the film and so I wasn't prepared for what really happened. It's one of those thing where you can't believe it happened. It's just too strange. But then rich people are fucked up anyway. Just like Batman. Steve Carell is totally different to how you remember him and even Tanning Chatum acts. But then he went and ruined it by doing garbage again.

Birdman
Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu deservedly won the Oscar for Best Director for Birdman. It's done in one shot style with a few breaks but it looks great. And Michael Keaton proves that he is a very underrated actor because he is amazing as the actor famous for playing a superhero in the past and now trying to remain relevant. Do you suppose they knew the Batman connection? Weird.

John Wick
Bad people kill Keanu Reeves' dog so he shoots everyone in the head, That's pretty much the plot of the film but it is an enjoyable action film. Simple and fun.

Big Hero 6
I honestly can't remember if I saw this the year before or not but it's worth putting here in case some of you have yet to see it. So go and watch it, What are you waiting for? Hairy baby!!



Chappie
Some people didn't like Chappie but I loved it. I think Neil Blomkamp will find it hard to top District 9 but I'm happy for him to do whatever he likes. Especially if that next thing will be an Alien film. As for Chappie, it's about a police enforcement robot who gets a special AI and he becomes self-aware and is like a real boy as he taught how to be a gangster. It's "gangsta" Pinocchio crossed with Robocop. And the Robocop reference doesn't end there... *wink wink*

The Theory of Everything
This is the story of Stephen Hawking as told from the perspective of his ex-wife. It is a great film about Stephen Hawking's life dealing with his disease but I find it lacks something and I think that is from being from someone else's point of view rather than Stephen Hawking's. But Eddie Redmayne is perfect in the role.

Interstellar
I didn't get to see Interstellar in the cinema and I wish I had because it must have looked awesome on the big screen. Yet this didn't stop people complaining about it. I had heard bad things about it before watching it and I have to say I don't know what those idiots were talking about. It is a long film and can be quite confusing at times but that still doesn't take away from how good it is. I think these people are from this new breed where they have to shit on films or directors who are getting too famous. It's happened to Wes Anderson too. Bunch of benders these fuckers are.

Nightcrawler
Nightcrawler is a strange film. Jake Gyllenhaal starts filming night time crime scenes and accidents. All while letting his bug eyes creep you out. But that's not the strange part. It's the fact that unlike most films there is no real character development. In, let's say, Chronicle, the whiney loser at the start develops into a whiney loser by the end but with powers. In this, Jake Gyllenhaal is the same weirdo he was at the start. No powers or anything.

Rush
I wasn't a big fan of Rush. It's an OK biopic about the rivalry between James Hunt and Niki Lauda. The problem is that the film made it out that they both hated each other when in fact they were kind of good friends and respected each other. It did make me realise just how bad Ron Howard is as a director. You're better off watching a real documentary.

Paddington
Paddington is a glorious film about the marmalade loving Peruvian bear. We watched it around summertime but it is more of a Christmas film. So we watched it again on Christmas day. Everone should like this film. Young or old. If you don't then you can stick with your Fast & Furious vroom-vroom films.

Avengers: Age of Ultron
I really liked Age of Ultron but I didn't love it. It wasn't as good as the first Avengers film but this does have James Spader as a big talking robot. I think the expectation was too high for it especially following The Winter Soldier. Plus there was interference from the studio and you should just let certain directors do what they want.

Edge of Tomorrow
If you know me then you know how much I hated Tom Cruise. I wouldn't watch any of his films because I didn't like him. He's always the smiling tiny hero. But I watched Edge of Tomorrow for some reason and I really liked it. I think because Cruise is just a smiling tiny asshole in this. It's like how I hated Colin Farrell until I saw Seven Psychopaths.

Jurassic World
"You're gonna need a bigger park." Or a better one. Is it just me or are kids more annoying in films now? The original is awesome and I remember seeing it in the cinema and even now it's still a masterpiece. I also went to see it in Imax on the 20th anniversary. Jeff Goldbum bod in 3D. But this sequel didn't do anything for me. All I did while watching it was point out all the stupid things the characters were doing and how much I wanted those kids to be eaten. I will say that it was a little better the second time around. Maybe because I got all the complaints out of me the first time.

Kingsman: The Secret Service
What a blast this film was. If you want a good spy/action film then go with this. Aishling, unlike many other wimmins who were all "Oh Mr. Darcy, who's taking the horse to France? teeheehee", never liked Colin Firth in that way until she saw him beat up a bunch of chavs. And Samuel L. Jackson has fun being the megalomanical bad guy. Once you get to the church scene this should become one of your favourite films.

Legend
What's better than one Tom Hardy? Two Tom Hardys. And better than that is two Tom Hardys as psychotic gangsters. And according to Aishling having them topless would be even better again. Legend is a fantastic film about the story of the Kray twins. I read a review where the reviewer said that Tom Hardy's acting was poor in this. That reviewer is an imbecile. I don't think it's actually possible for Tom Hardy to act badly. And i think that's more than enough times to write "Tom Hardy" in a paragraph.

Straight Outta Compton
When we came out of Legend we decided to go straight into Straight Outta Compton. Two biopics in one day. If you don't already know, Straight Outta Compton is the story of the formation and eventual break up of NWA. It's at times funny and sad while also scary as to what some of the members went through even before and after they became famous. It glosses over some of the members contributions but it's still worth a watch. And as like most musical biopics it will give you a new appreciation for the music.

Skyfall I was debating whether to put this in because it's just another Bond film. Same shit, different baddie. It's good at times but ultimately it's the same story. It begins with action that makes you think that it could be good but then the terrible Bond song and credits come on and it's same old same old. Ah here comes the sexism. But wait, The bad guy is actually really good. This could be interesting. No. Sexism again, More sexism. Sexist Bond comment. Sexism. The bad guy is back. Yes! Nope. He's just become a mindless idiot who just wants to kill Bond. What happened to his evil genius brain? Shouldn't he think this out instead of shooting everything? He's dead. Bond. James Bond. Banal remark. Sexism. Sequel.

Terminator: Genisys
Take the first two films. Freeze them. Hasta la vista, baby the shite out of them and walk away to let them melt and form together. Sounds good, doesn't it? But instead someone came along and decided to write a script from memory and what we got was this film. It's by no means a terrible film but it is a typical Hollywood action film with an old terminator. And we've seen most of it before and done better and without Jai Courtney.

Crimson Peak
Guillermo del Toro should be allowed make what he wants. I keep saying that but nobody bothers listening to me. Don't come into this, like most people did, expecting a straight up horror film with jump scares or gore like the Saws or Insidiousssss. Insidii? This is a romantic gothic ghost story. The film even tells you so within the first 10 minutes. Del Toro made a gorgeous looking film just like the ones that influenced him. Shot on actual sets and not in front of green screens. If you can appreciate true art then this is for you because you get to see Tom Hiddleston's butt.

Inside Out
This is a psychological sci-fi thriller about a girl who is being controlled by little creatures inside her head. Actually, Google says it's an animated comedy-drama adventure film. That's not what i thought while watching it. But it is excellent. just don't bring up Bing Bong. Shit!

Pee Wee's Big Adventure
I'm putting this in here because if you haven't seen it you need to. It's insane. I still don't understand it. It's something about a man with the brain of a child going on a road trip across America to recover his bicycle and he meets many strange characters. I guess it's kind of a modern retelling of Jack Kerouac's On The Road.

There Are No Strings On Me
That was the list of some of the new films I saw last year. I still have my film of the year to go but before then I have my most hated films. There are two of them so here they are.

Robocop (2014)
Why? Why did this need to be made? The original is the single greatest film ever made. The remake contains nothing of what made the original so great. The title is the only thing that links these two films. Where the original had the underlying Jesus resurrection thing this one has Robot Cop shooting other robots with stun bullet things. And the last shoot out is in the dark. What is the point of that? I wouldn't buy this shit for a dollar. And what the fuck is with the hand?

Poltergeist (2015)
We watched this remake pretty much straight after watching the original so there was o way we couldn't compare the two. And I will tell you that the original is infinitely better than this. When the remake was announced I was against it because as we all know remakes are shit. But then it came out that Sam Rockwell was gonna be in it so i thought maybe it will be passable. But no. Sam Rockwell doesn't even try. The best example I can give of how different the two films are is when the kid gets taken to the other side. In the original Craig T. Nelson, after a few days, looks like he hasn't slept or washed. You can tell he's having a bad time of it. But in the remake Sam Rockwell looks like he just stepped out of his trailer and is thinking about his next roll. Avoid this one. Or don't. I'm not your mom.

Witness Me!
So now we come to my film of the year. And if you haven't guessed what it is yet then you won't rise from the ashes of this world.

Mad Max: Fury Road
I saw Fury Road five times in three different counties in a month. That's how much i loved it. It's such a simple story but with amazing looking stunts and some of the best characters outside of a Roald Dahl book. Even if they don't have much to say. Even the fringe characters are some of the best and original. You need only look as far as Doof Warrior to see how imaginative this film is.
You get 45 minutes of non-stop action through a desert and then after a 10 minute break you get another 45 minutes of non-stop action through the desert in the opposite direction. It's such a simple idea but where other action films throw in a love story or some kind of bullshit just to try be emotional and connect with the viewer, Fury Road says "fuck that, here's another crazy stunt instead". Perfection.

Shiny and Chrome

So there you have it. My films of 2015. This year is starting off good too. I have The Hateful Eight and The Revenant to see and then there's the comic book blockbusters in the summer. Some people may be against those films but fuck 'em. I'm looking forward to them. I do hope Batman vs. Superman ends up being better than it currently looks in trailers. And Civil War may be the Civil Rights film of our time. Comment below if you have any comments or comment type things to say about my films or the films you watched. But keep it fresh.
We started with God and now we end with Alien God.

It's Over. For Now...

"Atatata Taata Taatatata Zukkyun!"

It's the end of October and for The 'Ween I have the last part of the Month of Macabre. Number 27 to 31. Here are parts One, Two and Three in case you haven't read them or want to remember what came before. And here is the list one last time.

"Wadadada Daada Daadadada Dokkyun"

27: Scariest Monster

Since I don't find any monsters scary nowadays because monsters in horror films now are either stupid looking or the person holding the camera can't stop shaking it and you just wish they'd shut up and get eaten by the monster. How about you get a tripod and sit the camera on it so we can get a good five second look at the monster instead of a total of ten shaky seconds looking at parts of a creature?
Anyway, I will go for any of the monsters from John Carpenter's The Thing. They are all unique and like any practical effects from the 80s they still look good today. Imagine, The Thing is 32 years old now. The effects and Kurt Russell still look badass after all those years.

28: Spookiest Haunted House

The house from House on Haunted Hill. Vincent Price's house, not Geoffrey Rush's. People are invited to spend the night in the house and if they can stay the whole night they will be given money. But the house is supposedly haunted and strange goings-on... go on and some people are murdered. Like in all his films, Vincent Price gives an astounding performance. He comes to act and doesn't let up. Maybe some people these days should learn from him. If you think your film is crap then try make it good yourself rather than bitching about it afterwards. Ungrateful pricks.

"You think you're cool?"

29: Sickest Torture Porn
29: Best Foreign Horror Film

I was thinking of picking Ringu for this one but then thought that if anyone needs to be told that it's superior to the shitty remake then they need to just drown themselves in a well.
My choice will be R-Point. It's a South Korean film about a squad sent to rescue a missing platoon in Vietnam after receiving an S.O.S transmission. I first saw the film at an Asian film festival over a weekend in Dublin with my brother. I think this was the first film shown and while the other five films were great this was by far the best. I found the film to be quite nerve-racking. It was a long time before and since that I felt that way watching a film.

An awful lot of Deadpool comes up when you search R-Point images.

"Zukyun! Dokyun! Zukyun! Dokyun!"

30: Cutest Demon/Possession

What a stupid question this is. Am I supposed to be attracted to the demon or what? I'm gonna think outside the box with this one and go with the demonic cat from Hausu. Is a cat cute enough for you? It's kind of hard to describe Hausu. Some girls go to one of their aunt's house and weird things happen that you need to see. Do so as soon as possible. You will not regret it. And if you do then you can stick to Transformers. That might be more tailored to your mental age.

31: Best Halloween Party Scene

I'm going with a classic for this one. It's a short film but at the end there's an awesome party scene with all your favourite monster characters. I don't think it was a Halloween party but since it's my film I'm changing it for the purposes of this.

 

 

"Yada! Yada! Yada! Yada! Never! Never! Never!"

 

This brings the Month of Macabre to an end. Or does it? It does...? It's not like a horror film, it will be over. Or will it?

Since today is The 'Ween what better song to have than this one by BabyMetal. We all know that when you say "Trick or Treat" you really mean "Gimme Chocolate".

Happy 'Ween to all you 'Weeners.

This Is Just Macabre

"Say Goodbye, You Know I've Tried..."

 

Welcome back. This will be Part 3 of the Month of Macabre list thing. I think we're coming into the section of stuff where I don't really know what I'll come up with for some of them. But sure we might as well get through it. Together we can do it.

There's the list to remind you of it. I think I'm at Number 20. I'll go as far as 25 or 26 for this blog and finish it all in my next. maybe I'll get the last one up on The 'Ween. Or sometime in November.

"But Now The Time To Mourn Has Died"

20: Most Badass Final Girl

Ellen Ripley from Aliens. Notice I said Aliens and not Alien. There are two reasons. 1) Aliens was the first film of the series I ever saw. It also involved me waking up at night when I was young and going into the sitting room while my parents were watching it and I decided to stay up and watch it too. Why did I always wake up when horror films were on? And what kind of parents did I have who would let a young child watch Aliens? Awesome parents I would say.
b) Ripley wasn't really a "badass" at the end of the first film. Sure it takes some badassery to survive while all your friends are being eaten by an alien but nothing beats carrying a child and a pulse rifle/ flamethrower combo while fending off an alien queen. And then getting into a power loader and fighting some more. If anything, Ripley is the greatest final person, male or female, in all of cinema.

Jonesy was the real star.

21: Favourite Director

No doubt it has to be John Carpenter. Or Takashi Miike. Or Guillermo del Toro.
John Carpenter for making some of the most enduring and entertaining films ever. And for being too far ahead of his time. Nobody cared about The Thing when it first came out but now it's considered one of the greatest horror films ever. He also created the slasher genre with Halloween. Made fog scary and made Kurt Russell an action hero in one film and an idiot in another.
Takashi Miike pushed the envelope with some of his films. There's things in his films that Hollywood would never dream of in their worst nightmares, let alone think of putting them in a film. He was very prolific. In one year he made about 14 films. If you want crazy films where you don't know what's going on then watch some of his. Start with Gozu. I believe that without him we wouldn't have the Japanese Super Gore (that's one of mine) films like Tokyo Gore Police or The Machine Girl. He was also the only director in the Masters of Horror series not to have his episode be shown on TV because it was "the most disturbing film" that the producer, also a horror director, had ever seen.
Guillermo del Toro is a genius. If you have ever seen Pan's Labyrinth then you know what I mean. If you've been keeping up with my blogs you already know how much I idolise him. I love every film he has made. He can do horror (The Devil's Backbone), action (Blade II), fantasy (Pan's Labyrinth) and combine all those genres and make Hellboy. Also, if you were ever a child you should love Pacific Rim.

This is the kind of stuff you can expect from miike.

22: Your Horror Collection

This is the best picture we have of my collection at the moment. Everything is pretty much stored away until we can get space to unleash it all. This is about half of my horror DVDs and I have plenty more toys and stuff, like my Captain Spaulding doll and Bert the zombie. I have numerous t-shirts from Fright Rags and other places. Someday in the near future I'll hopefully get to show them all off.

Everything is mine except the TARDIS just appeared one day.

"It's Cold Inside The Worm..."

23: Most Awesome One-Liner

"You OK?" - Tucker from Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil.
I can't say when or why he says this in case some of you haven't seen it but for those of you that have you will know why it's so good. And the way he says it makes it hilarious.

24: Favourite Cursed Object

I was having trouble trying to think of something for this, which is always the way when you try to sit down and think of something. But then Aishling told me to go with Hellraiser. Even though she hasn't seen it but I'm sure if you haven't seen the film you're still aware of the puzzle box. I haven't watched Hellraiser in a good while. The last time I did watch it I remember the effects were still really good. Apart from one part where they had to use CGI because they ran out of money which just proves that CGI is worthless. Unless it's done by Peter Jackson. But then his 20 year old practical zombie effects are still better than his 10 year old Lord of the Rings effects.

25: Do The Thriller Dance

No.

26: Favourite Killer Robot

Technically, I would say Kruger from Elysium is a robot since he has special enhancements and an exoskeleton. But if you're gonna be pedantic about it then I'll go for the robots from Chopping Mall. Some teens get stuck in a shopping mall after hours and the robotic security malfunctions and three killer robots are set loose in the mall. How could you not want to see that?

It has the star power of that guy from Gremlins 1 and 2

"Nothing Ever Bothers Me Now"

 

Well that wasn't so bad. I did have plenty to talk about. The last few on the list should be harder for me to come up with something because torture porn films are the worst ever made and how the hell do you not come across as some kind of sexually frustrated horror nerd by choosing a cutest demon/possession? I'm sure I'll manage anyway. In the meantime enjoy this awesome Devin Townsend Project song. Try not to confuse it with Devin Townsend Band or even just Devin Townsend. The man never stops.


 

It's Pronounced Ma-Cab-Ree

"Step Inside, See The Devil In I"

Time for another round of the The Month Of Macabre. Today is the 19th so I will go from 11 to 19 in this blog. If you need a reminder of the list I suppose I could leave it here:

"Too Many Times We've Let It Come To This"

11: Coolest Transformation

An American Werewolf in London. Another film I saw (or was subjected to) when I was around 9. The transformation from man to beast is still the best to this day. And it's 33 years old now. It just goes to show how much better practical effects are compared to CGI. CGI is outdated a week after it has been digitised. Which is why if they remake Gremlins they better keep the "computer wizards" the fuck away from it.

Insert "playing with his mickey" joke here.

12: Best Zombie Franchise

Romero's Living Dead series. I haven't seen Survival of the Dead and I think I only liked Diary of the Dead because I was after binging on some hilarious badly dubbed Italian zombie films beforehand so compared to them Diary was like Citizen Kane American Beauty. But for Night, Dawn and Day it will always be the best franchise. Plus when you give it a chance, Land of the Dead is pretty good too.

13: Favourite Friday The 13th Moment

In Jason X (which does count as a Friday The 13th movie) Jason comes across two teens who offer him beer and weed and then asks him if he'd like to partake in some premarital sex. What else would you do when faced with that proposition? Why, beat up one girl with the other while both are tied up in sleeping bags of course. And then bash one against a tree. Perfect. I would have went with the tree bashing from Part VII but it had been cut down from the theatrical six hits to just one.

"No one cared who I was until I put on the mask"

14: Favourite Freddy Moment

Easy. "Welcome to primetime, bitch" from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. The third film is a great movie. I would rank it as the second best film in the franchise. It had some ingenious kills and was before Freddy started to become a parody of himself. And Dokken wrote the theme song. Unfortunately part 4 had a rap song. Is it a coincidence Freddy started to suck when he went to rap music?

When people say their baby is beautiful, this is what I see.

15: Biggest Crush

Should I answer this? Aishling, if you're reading this just skip on to the next one. I guess at the time of watching it for the first time maybe Nancy from A Nightmare on Elm Street.

This should annoy Aishling a lot.

"Step Inside, See the Devil In I"

 

16: Guilty Pleasure Movie

Does this mean a terrible film that I enjoy watching? Or one that I get pleasure from watching and should feel guilty for doing so? House of the Dead is a tremendously awful film based on the video game of the same name and was made by Uwe Boll. I've seen that two or three times which I suppose is two or three times more than anyone should. Uwe Boll makes some of the worst movies ever. And he always gets given money to make them. I will say this though, I have more of his films in my collection than I do of Eli Roth's. So that tells you how much I hate the likes of Hostel and all those torture porn films. So I guess I'll be skipping number 29 when I get to it.

Honestly, this screenshot from the game is way better than anything from the film.

17: Ugliest Alien

Can an alien be ugly? To us maybe but to their own species? Do they understand our interpretation of ugly? What if what we presume is "ugly" is actually their "normal" or "not bad" or "Tanning Chatum". You know, has a big misshapen head but for some reason people find him attractive. A lot of aliens do have big misshapen heads too. Did I just figure out that Tanning Chatum is an alien? If so, then I pick him as ugliest alien.

Seriously, that hat would be huge on a normal head.

18: Best Popular Song In A Movie

Since I don't know or care about other people's "popular" music I'm just going to go with a song I like. Aishling said I can't pick Pantera's Avoid the Light since I have never seen Dracula 2000, but then who has. Although, looking at the cast now maybe I should watch it. Just for Nathon Fillion as a priest. I am going for Lynyrd Skynyrd's Free Bird at the end of The Devil's Rejects. I think in a previous blog I mentioned how awesome the song is. It was also in GTA San Andreas and I remember it came on the radio while I was driving a tractor so I drove that tractor for the next 9 minutes just to hear the song. Also it turned out you couldn't modify a tractor. I wanted to put hydraulics on it.

"Fuck you for not putting spinning rims on my rusty tractor"

19: Favourite Halloween Special

I can't really think of one but since nobody complained about me picking Scrooged in the last blog and it's really a Christmas film I'm going to pick The League of Gentleman's Christmas Special. It's really a horror anthology that takes place at Christmas so I think it works. I think The League of Gentlemen always works as a horror.

"You'll Realise I'm Not Your Devil Any More"

And that is that. For now. I will continue on again in the next week or so. If you were able to guess the song that the quotes are from then you are rewarded with this video of the song. If you didn't guess correctly then you will be punished with this video of an awesome song.

It's Alive!!

Movies For The 'Ween '014

If you read my last blog I mentioned that I would be watching many horror films this month leading up to my Halloween Horror Movie Marathon Massacre. If you didn't read it I hope you had a good reason such as all the classic Universal Monsters entered our dimension to take over the world and you and your friends had to team up with Frankenstein ('s monster) to defeat them. Wolfman's got nards!!

Since the beginning of the month I have so far watched six films. I'm a little behind but I'll get there. It's all Aishling's fault anyway. Speaking of whom, she now has her own blog where she talks about stuff like clothes and music and films and other things she doesn't realise that I have better taste in. Go check out her blog here. She reviewed some of these films too so you can find them somewhere around here and compare her thoughts with mine.


Super 8

Super 8 is supposed to be an homage to Spielberg's Amblin films of the 80s and early 90s. Remember them? The Goonies and Gremlins? Super 8 is actually an action film where explosions happen between lens flares and some kids run around the set. Had it not tried to be an homage it could have been a great film but the fact that it actually tries so hard just makes it fail terribly. The kids are in no way endearing like they are in The Goonies. They just act like kids rather than being kids. Abrams should have left out half the effects and put more effort into writing a good children's sci-fi film. Also there was not one ethnic kid in the gang. How racist is that?

RUN!! It's another fucking lens flare!

Los Ojos de Julia

Or "Julia's Eyes" to you. Julia and her twin sister suffer from a degenerative eye condition. The sister kills herself after her eye operation didn't work and Julia thinks that some shenanigans have been going on. The film starts off like a supernatural horror mixed with a giallo style. I wish it had stayed that way because it becomes a typical multiple predictable twist film. It should have been at least half an hour shorter too. One thing I did like was how when Julia had her eye operation and her eyes were bandaged over the camera never showed anyone's face. It just couldn't save the film.

When I searched "Julia's Eyes gif" this came up.

Sinister

Ethan Hawke is a true crime writer who moves into a new house and finds a box of old film reels and immediately starts to watch them and hits the bottle. Like all authors do. Those high-functioning alcoholics. The use of music for the film reels was great except for when they'd put in that jump-scare loud noise. When things go quiet you know a loud noise is coming along with a big close-up face. Pant-shittingly scary it is not. Sinister is like the opposite of Julia's Eyes. Julia's Eyes started as a supernatural film and became a kind of predictable thriller, whereas Sinister starts as a thriller and becomes a kind of predictable supernatural horror. But Ziggy is in it!

Ahh! Wet paint, my one fear.

You're Next

Madonna and her husband are joined by their spoilt rich kids and their partners and Ti West in their new house for a dysfunctional anniversary dinner. It's a clichéd family with the rich dad and stuck-up wife, the annoying bully brother who doesn't die quick enough, the semi-failed college lecturer, the bimbo daughter and the black sheep son. Besides all that it became a good home invasion thriller/horror. It's one of the few horror films where the woman becomes the hero who fights back but without having to be humiliated first like in I Spit On Your Grave. This is less revenge and more survival. A nice change. She's not an unkillable machine either as there are scenes where she is hiding and scared but she does take her opportunities and takes them with both hands. Usually wrapped around a weapon.

Yeah Madonna, I think it's that child you stole.

Big Ass Spider

You can probably guess what this is about from the film title. A military experiment goes awry and a spider escapes into L.A. and grows bigger and terrorises people with its crappy CGI butt webs. But fear not. That guy from that thing is on the case with his comic-relief-hispanic-sidekick. All this makes it sound like a terrible B-movie. Which it is but it's not entirely terrible. It's a fun creature feature. If it was produced by Sy-Fy then I'd be worried. And Ray Wise is in it with his Ray Wise voice. But what if it was actually called Big, Ass Spider? If someone from Sy-Fy is reading this then I want a producer credit.

Most of you will probably identify with this.

Frankenstein

I assume you all know the story of Frankenstein. Or you have at least watched Young Frankenstein (if not then you really are failing at life) as it's the same basic story except for the dance number. Man creates monster, man can't control monster, man must kill monster. How many times have I had to do that. Gee whiz... But this is the 1931 film starring Boris Karloff as the monster wearing the make-up that every Frankenstein costume would be based on. It's a classic, even though there are parts that are quite funny now and the people don't seem that bothered that a man stole bodies and cut them up to make his monster. Watch it and see how good films used to be when the studios assumed everyone knew the story and didn't need an hour long build up to introduce the love interest and bore the arse off you.

He's got fresh moves. Get it?

Month of Macabre

Aishling is doing this Month of Macabre thing so I might get involved with it too.

Since I'm writing this on the 10th I will do as far as that this time. More to come in my next blog.


01: Favourite Movie Killer

I gots to go with Jason Voorhees for this one. Friday the 13th has always been my favourite horror movie series.

02: Sentimental VHS Rental

Salem's Lot. I remember waking up one night when I was younger and going into the sitting room and mom and dad were watching this on the telly. Many years later when I was in college I went to a nearby video/DVD rental shop and they had many horror films on video and I rented Salem's Lot. I now have it on DVD and myself and Ash just watched it recently.

Ah! So if you turn it upside down his clothes come off!

03: Creepiest Doll/Puppet

All the dolls from Dolls. Again when I was younger we were in my cousin's and I watched this film. I could remember it well for many years after. Charles Band made many films about killer dolls. But Dolls had the trifecta of being produced by Charles Band and Brian Yuzna with Stuart Gordon directing.

04: Best or Worst Remake

I don't think I'm allowed pick The Thing (2011) as the worst remake because it's technically not a remake. It's supposed to be a prequel even though a lot of what happens rips off John Carpenter's The Thing. Which is why I call it a premake. It sucks anyway. But for worst remake I will go with When A Stranger Calls. No blood, nothing interesting happens and the killer gets arrested at the end. I just saved you 90 minutes.
Best remake is The Fly by David Cronenberg. Great effects all over the place in this.

Too many cuntin' sprouts.

05: Funniest Horror Comedy

There's Cannibal, The Musical. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. Cabin in the Woods. But I will copy Aishling with this one and go with Shaun Of The Dead. It's so good that every wannabe horror comedy that has come out since is always compared to it. And when the quote on the cover says "The funniest horror since Shaun of the Dead" you know it will be nowhere near as good. I don't think anything will ever come close. It's got the perfect mix of humour and gore.

06: Favourite Black & White Movie

There's a few good ones. Night of the Living Dead, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Psycho, Nosferatu (As you may or may not know, all the music for Nosferatu was destroyed because of a bitch but luckily the film survived and there are multiple soundtracks but the version we saw last year had music that was very black metal sounding and it worked superbly).
My choice however is Fiend Without A Face. Flying brains attack people, a man hands out numerous rifles from the back seat of his car and a man accuses another man of "tom-cattin' around".

Dammit woman! That's not where you put your brain. Best to stick to things you know like kittens and child birth.

07: Best Kill With An Object

Brain Dead. Or Dead Alive, depending on where in the world you are. Lionel disposes of many zombies with a lawnmower. It's the greatest mass zombie mutilation ever. If you haven't seen it yet then you need to immediately. It was made by a imaginative young go-getter who unfortunately went Hollywood and forgot how to stop making Lord of the Rings.

"I kick arse for the Lord"

08: Freakiest Circus/Sideshow

I have no idea what this means. Is it something I have gone to or that I've seen in a film? I guess I'll pick the film Freaks. It's about a group of circus freaks that thinks a woman is marrying their friend for his money. It's really good and has actual freaks in it.

09: Favourite Ghost

Patrick Swayze. Or the ghost of Christmas future from Scrooged. It still counts even though it's a Christmas film.

10: Best Dracula

I think there have been a few great portrayals of Dracula. Bela Lugosi, Christopher Lee and Gary Oldman. However, Nosferatu wins it for the original look and body shape that made great looking shadows. And he messed with Spongebob.

This is for you, Michelle.

Look at Nosferatu's face above. It's mesmerising.

Next week I may have another review blog up about whatever films I get watched and I will continue the Month of Macabre thing. Maybe. If I can think of anything.

I will leave you with the video of an awesome song. For anyone who thinks the American Horror Story clown is scary you are an idiot. It's not about the make-up, it's who is under it. It was scarier when they decided to let Vesty McDickFace star in the second season.

Enjoy.