Music and Video Games Part 2

"Crumbling world falls through my hands"

This time I won't be talking about albums as much as last time as I never got round to listening to as many as I should have. I blame it on the shuffle function of my iPod. Damn thing makes it too easy to listen to many awesome songs* but harder to listen to an entire album. Some albums I still gots to listen to are:

Volition by Protest the Hero. If it's anything like their last two albums then it should be awesome.
Meir by Kvelertak. I just recently got into these. It's like party rock but in a foreign language.
One One One by Shining. Seriously, you just need to listen to these guys. More on them below.
House of Gold and Bones by Stone Sour. I did think that the slow songs on Audio Secrecy were a bit too Bon Jovi for my liking but when they get their heavy on it never disappoints.
One of Us Is the Killer by The Dillinger Escape Plan. I'm sure this will be just as irritatingly awesome as the rest of their stuff.
The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here by Alice in Chains. The songs I have listened to are just as good as their earlier stuff. We still all miss Layne though.
Halo of Blood by Children of Bodom. I haven't been listening to them as much as I used to but I think I should remedy that soon.

There are many more albums that have come out but you can Wikipedia them for yourself. For this blog I am gonna put up some songs that made up my 2013. If I can remember them. Some may be odd and some may not be to your liking but they will all be better than anything you will hear playing in Tesco. Also I might mention video games too. But first...

What better way to start than with Down.
Pillars of Eternity



This is from Down's first album, NOLA, which will be 20 years old next year. I already love Lifer and Stone the Crow, (Interesting note, on their live album you can hear me on the Stone the Crow track as I was in the audience that night. Yep, all that crowd noise is me), but after revisiting the album I fell in love with this song too. Honestly, if you have ever listened to Down you will know that it's not hard to love all their songs. Each one is a masterpiece. Few bands ever consistently release awesome albums but Down is definitely one of them.


Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon
Far Cry 3 was a pretty great game. You were on an island and you could hunt animals and people with a bow and arrow. How do you make that better? You change the game into an over-the-top 80's sci-fi action film with a cybernetic commando called Rex Power Colt voiced by Michael Biehn. And keep the bow. But throw in some giant lizards that shoot lasers from their eyes. Still not hooked? How about a gun called "A.J.M. 9" and a shotgun called "Galleria 1991". If you don't get the references then we can't be friends. But comment below if you know the answer and you can win a smug smile for yourself.


The One Inside



Shining from Norway (not to be confused with Shining from Sweden, unless you like black metal with suicidal themes) have melded Jazz with heavy metal and given it the name "Black Jazz" as was the title of their last album. The above video was filmed in one take in the desert and all while they were wearing black. More bands should release videos of themselves performing their songs live. It proves there's no trickery or chicanery. Let's see The Carter Twins do that. Shining also released a video for I Won't Forget where they played on the ruins of their former rehearsal and studio building. Also, Aishling won't forgive me if I don't mention Jorgen Munkeby's dance moves in this video. Watch and enjoy.


Tomb Raider
This was the much needed reboot up the hole that Lara Croft had been begging for. I had played the previous game, "Anniversary" I think it was, and while it was a pretty good game it was just kind of stupid in what they added to it. You could download or unlock new clothes for Lara to wear while you were raidering tombs so naturally I had her in a bikini while running and swimming through sewers. It just made sense. This game, however, gets rid of the silliness and the juvenile sexuality thing and just puts Lara in fear for her life doing dangerous things while helping her friends and searching for treasure. She also has a bow. 2013 was the year of the bow.

Ghetto Love



I have secretly been enjoying this song every time it comes up on Aishling's iPod. Actually I have enjoyed most of Spinnerette's songs when I hear them. Just don't tell Aishling because she'll never shut up about it. To which I will say that I introduced her to Mastodon, Machine Head, Clutch and Burzum. She may not be too happy about that last one considering she likes crunchy cornflakes. Anyway, if you like Queens of the Stone Age but wish it had a female singer then check out Spinnerette.


The Walking Dead: Season One
For the love of god do not confuse this with The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct. If you're playing as Daryl Dixon and killing the same looking zombies over and over again then you've got the wrong game. If you're playing an engrossing, compelling, story-driven point and click game then you have the right one. It comes in five parts (episodes) and your actions will affect the story as you play on. Season Two came out this year but I have yet to play it but if it's as good as the first season then I will love it. Also the same developer released a new episodic game called The Wolf Among Us. I played the first episode and it was really fun. You play as the big bad wolf and have to solve crimes that happen to the inhabitants of fairy tales now living and hiding in New York.


Madman



You can keep all your female pop singers because here is one singer I want on my team when the inevitable apocalyptic musical showdown happens. Agnete Kjølsrud will single-handedly destroy all the meat wearing, attention-seeking industry whores that plague our lives. And probably eat the meat that was hanging off that drag queen. Although I'd advise her against it because god only knows what diseases you would get from it. Probably some we thought had been eradicated but were just festering in the orifices. So now that you've read my thoughts go and listen to the song above so you will see what I mean and discover a new band for yourself. Also check out Animal Alpha.


Metro 2033 & Metro: Last Light
Metro 2033 is based on the novel of the same name and was released in 2010 but it took me this long to play it. It's a first person shooter set in the post-apocalyptic underground metro of Moscow. I'll just start out here by saying that it is nothing like Call of Duty. Metro has a story and you have to fight for your life. Whether it's against the Nazis, mutant creatures or the time running out on your air filter. The weapons in it are quite inventive as some are pneumatic and you have to pump them up to make them stronger and the currency you use is special high grade ammo which you can use to kill or use to survive by buying filters and health. Metro: Last Light came out last year and continues on from where one of the two endings of the first game finishes. While not as good as the original it is still enjoyable and more Metro can only be a good thing.


I Was Buried in Mount Pleasant Cemetery



Woods of Ypres were a band I had heard of a while back but for whatever reason I took too long to listen to. After hearing this for the first time in December last year I have constantly been listening to it ever since. It's just one of those songs that you can feel the emotion coming from it. Before reading on you should listen to the song. Just the once will do.
Now that you have listened to it - and I'm sure you listened to it more than once because it is that good - you may be sad to hear that the singer, David Gold, died in 2011. Now you can listen to the song knowing that it is now somehow even more emotional and depressing. Especially considering that we will never hear anything new from this exceptional songwriter.

I don't like to end on a down note. Here's a song:




"Where the old path I ran came to an end"
  And so this blog comes to an end. I hope you like the songs I put up or even found some new bands to enjoy and some games to try out. Or like, whatever, I don't care.

Sticking with the musical theme of this blog, my recommendation for this chapter is:
Until The light Takes Us
It's a documentary about the early black metal scene in Norway and the murders and church burnings surrounding that particular subculture. If you watch it then you will understand the crunchy cornflakes comment I made above.

Until the light takes me back to you with my next blog, keep on rockin'.

 

*Unless you have my iPod then you won't have that many awesome songs so don't feel too bad.

Music and Video Games.

"I Will Suffer No Evil, My Guitar Will Guide Me Through"

 

As the title of this blog suggests this one will be about music and video games. So if you don't like either then you should go play the football and listen to the radio. Plenty of no music for you to enjoy on the radio. I was going to make two separate posts for both but I'm too lazy so I am just going to combine them into one. And maybe make it a two parter. I have played quite a few games this year.

"Unpredictable Times Call For The Reliable Friend"

 

I suppose the best place to start would be with one of the best albums of the year. That would be Earth Rocker by Clutch. If you haven't heard this album yet then I would highly recommend you rectify it immediately. If you are a fan of Clutch's last few albums then this one should be one of your favourites. There are no more bluesy elements to the songs, it's more stripped down and rockier, but then there were never any problems with their bluesy songs anyway. I've read some reviews of Earth Rocker with the reviewer saying that they weren't fans of the previous albums because of the bluesy aspects. I guess that means the reviewer is just a tosspot. Earth Rocker still maintains the signature Clutch riffs and the what-the-hell-is-he-on-about Neil Fallon lyrics

From one of the best albums of the year to one of the best video games of the year. Bioshock Infinite. Infinite is one of those games that may not have the greatest gameplay elements (it is an FPS after all) it does however have the Sky-Hook. Throughout the floating city of Columbia are rails called "Sky-Lines", much like those used for cable cars, and once you receive the Sky-Hook you can use it to attach yourself to the Sky-Line and zip around the city at speed like a human roller-coaster. But that's not just its only use. You can use it to take the head or face off your enemies. The real selling point of the game is the story. The Bioshock series' have had some of the best written storylines, not just in video games but in TV and film. But i will not give away any of it here. You will just have to play it for yourself.

"And every time you open up your mouth, A load of Horseshit comes flying right back out"

 

Another album released last year was Deceiver of the Gods by Amon Amarth. If I remember rightly i have already wrote a blog post about this album so feel free to look it up to see what I said about the album and I gave a quick synopsis of each song. Luckily they finally realised a video for the song Father of the Wolf. It only took them 7 months, but it was worth it. We got an epic 10 minute mini movie of a music video. Do yourself a favour and watch it below. And yes, Loke is a million times better than Thor.
 

The Last of Us was released during the summer. SHOCK! HORROR! I played a PS3 game. I had been waiting for this game ever since it was revealed the year before. It just looked like it was gonna be something amazing and it was. And it was released at the right time because there was a heat wave incoming. So what better way to spend the really hot summer days than sitting inside sneaking past Cordyceps zombies and killing the real monsters: Man. Dun-dun-dunnnnnnnn. Much like Bioshock Infinite, the real selling point of the game is its story. It's one that draws you in and asks you to do things which at the time seems like the right choice but after playing you're left wondering if you were really the good guy after all. Does that seem like a spoiler? Just ignore it if it does. Besides, you should have played it by now. 6 month spoiler rule.

 

"No, no, no, I've never worn no uniform. Except for the ballroom blitz"

 

Ghost released Infestissumam in 2013. If you're from the America land then you will know them as Ghost B.C. They continue with their oddly awesome Satanic themed songs. It's not strictly metal but it's also far from being commercial. They are one of the few bands that divide the metal community. But then some of the people who hate them are just pretentious toss fucks who don't think they're metal just because they don't sound like they're about to Regorge in the Morgue (Vomitory song I quite like). Listen to them below and see what you think. If you don't like them then I don't think we can be friends any more. But do have a listen to Ghuleh/Zombie Queen. It has a great little musical middle part that I do enjoy.

If I had to choose my Game of the Year I would have to go with Grand Theft Auto V. I would say that, story-wise, it's not as strong as The Last Of Us or Bioshock Infinite but it more than makes up for it with it's gameplay and vast hidden features, such as...  Go play it! It hasn't been 6 months yet and half the fun is finding the Easter Eggs. Plus you get to play as three different characters, one of whom is one of the very best video game characters ever brought to sprite life. Trevor is a psycho that we can all learn to love. And all it takes is switching to him while he's being kicked out of a clothes shop while wearing a dress or him waking up on a beach in his underpants. Do what you can to play this game. Say goodbye to your family for a week or two and play the game to death. The less said about the online portion the better. Although I have heard it has gotten better.

"The burden of a time lord is there's never any time. Too much of eternity and nowhere to unwind"

 

That will be all I shall do for now. I'll let the albums here gestate within you for a while and become a part of you until it bursts forth to infect the next person who needs music in their lives. Kind of like a helpful The Thing. The next part will be about video games again and some music videos and songs that made up my 2013. Mainly because I haven't gotten round to listening to some albums in their entirety. I blame the Shuffle option on iPods.

Onto my recommendation:

Bob's Burgers.

It's a TV show and one of the funniest ones around. Michelle will be happy I chose it.

End of Year Awards: Movie Edition

"I Know Who The Winner Is..."

This year I have decided to make my end of year review into a kind of awards ceremony thing. If you followed me on the facebook last year you may have seen my top ten list of films of 2012 and if you didn't you are either a new friend or an un-friended friend. I have un-friended more people than I have added this year, in which case you probably won't be reading this and it was entirely YOUR fault you were un-friended. As anyone who knows me is sure to admit, I am the nicest, most tolerant person you could meet and your claims of me being an Xbox fanboy just made you come across as the bigger PS3 fanboy. Can't we all just get along and love games despite the platform. Except for the Wii. Which gives me an idea of doing a best video games list this year. Look out for it.

"Yeah, Looks Like"

 

Now let's begin with this completely meaningless awards ceremony that I have made up categories for just to fit a certain film into. If you want to make it feel more authentic then get yourself an envelope and you can open it before reading who the winner is. And to make it even more fun spray paint the envelope gold. But remember, breathe deeply while spraying. Let's get started.

Best Tarantino Film:
Django Unchained.
Obviously. Everything you love about Tarantino is in this film. From the racism to the unnecessary cameo from the man himself. No matter what he puts into his films it never seems like it's too much or too little. It's always just right. And if you didn't laugh at the hood scene then you need help. Plus it has Christoph Waltz. Christoph Waltz!

The reason you won't win an Oscar this year:
Lincoln.
Why even bother doing your best acting when you're only gonna be going up against Daniel Day-Lewis.
It's like if Mastodon are releasing a new album the same year as yours then expect to be forgotten about. Day-Lewis was really the only man who could do justice to the Lincoln legend. Never mind the fact they overlooked his gayness. but I guess the Electric Six video for Gay Bar can fill in the gaps. HA! Butthole.

Best film about the end of the world:
The World's End.
Sure, this may have been the only film I saw about the end of the world this year but it is still a great film. While it may not be as good as either Shaun or Hot Fuzz I do believe that after some more time and a few more watches it will sit comfortably alongside them as another Cornetto classic. I mean not everyone liked Hot Fuzz when it first came out. Just like all those people who didn't like the first X-Men film until the second one came out. You know who you are.

Best sequel:
Despicable Me 2.
Out of all the sequels this year I think Despicable Me 2 did what a sequel should. Go bigger and better. And it did so by having a lot more of the minions in it. You could say Iron Man 3 went bigger and better too but that didn't have minions. I could overlook some of the "dumb action movie plot holes" in it had there been minions. Just replace Jarvis with minions. I just fixed the Iron Man. But yeah, anyway, Despicable Me 2 wins best sequel.

He sure loves not wearing a top:
Hugh Jackman in The Wolverine.
Even the movie poster had him topless. I suppose if I had a personal trainer and was ripped I'd go around topless too. Until then I'll just keep taking my top off at inopportune moments. Take that, society.

Why let the source material get in the way?:
World War Z.
It wasn't until after watching World War Z that I decided to see what similarities the film had with the book. It turns out that the book doesn't actually have Brad Pitt being all Brad Pitty while Sub-Human Viral Carriers™ (not real zombies) run amok. It wasn't a bad film itself but it shouldn't have had that title. Just call it "Fast Infectors and the Explosions they Cause."

Opposite World:
Star Trek Into Darkness.
They kind of have all their stories written for themselves now since in the original remake they added that alternate timeline story so all they have to do now is take the same plot from the William Shatner films and swap around what happened to Kirk and Spock. It's ingenious. And lazy. But at least Benedict Cumberbatch was awesome in it. And since this is the opposite I guess that makes Kirk better than Picard.

Seriously? He's just wearing glasses:
Man of Steel.
While Christopher Reeve at least acted like a different person when he was Clark Kent, Henry Cavill just looks like Superman with glasses. And the terrible CGI made it look like video game characters with glitchy bodies were doing the fighting. When The Avengers destroyed a whole city they still looked (relatively) normal while doing it. D.C. Comics, it's time to shit or get off the pot.

Should have took it easy with the CGI:
Mama.
Mama was a pretty good idea. It had creepiness and Jamie Lannister. Two of them! But what let it down, like most new horror films, was the overuse of CGI. Sometimes people don't know when to end a film. I can tell you when. It's when you think using shit loads of CGI to try freak out the audience is a good idea. Just look at how good Insidious was without it. And how bad that one part with it was.

Maybe leave them alone or You probably deserved it:
Blackfish.
Has anyone in the world deserved to be mutilated more than those who force killer whales to do tricks and then enclose them in a tiny tank? Maybe post office workers but they're not in a film that I'm aware of. Blackfish is kind of like Oldboy. The whale is held captive for years until they finally get the chance to smash people's faces in with a hammer. And I couldn't be happier to see it.

Surprisingly better than expected:
Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters.
The trailer made this look fun. But then it was put back a year so they could tack 3D onto it which made me think it was gonna be awful. Watching it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. There was some good killings and Jeremy Renner remains unusually good in most everything he does.

This is just here to break up all the writing.

Best prequel:
Monsters University.
A friend told me that Monsters University was just as good as Inc. but in a totally different way. And he was right. The change of setting gave the creators the chance to add new characters, such as mine and most probably everyone else's favourite, Art, as voiced by Charlie Day acting as himself from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And we also got the origins of how Mike and Sully became the great monster team and friends they were in Inc.

What the WTF?:
A Field in England.
I watched A Field in England a few weeks ago and I couldn't tell you what it was about. Something to do with digging. There was no real resolution but it was quite a trip getting there. Ben Wheatley remains an acquired taste and this would be his second least accessible film. For an introduction I would say try Sightseers. Not as good as I was hoping but I do like his gritty looking documentary style.

Tom Hiddleston Award:
Tom Hiddleston in Thor: The Dark World.
Yes he gets his own award. If you need to ask why then you don't need to know. If other actors were to embrace their roles as much as he does then Hollywood wouldn't be worrying about illegal downloading (and if HMV weren't so piss poor and catering to cretins I wouldn't have to seek other means to watch films). He's the best advertisement for whatever film he's gonna be in. Has any other villain been so loved that they had fans petition for their own film?

Needless remake:
Evil Dead.
Had I seen the Oldboy remake then that might be here instead. I've wrote enough about Evil Dead in the past so you can read my review of it to see why it wasn't welcome. I will say that the people who love this film seem to only talk about how it was all practical effects and not CGI. The effects don't suddenly turn a terribly acted film with an unlikeable cast into a Scorsese film. You can't say it's good just because they use a rubber tongue and not a computer generated one.

Best underuse of extreme violence:
Elysium.
How has everyone not ripped off Neill Blomkamp's style. Elysium had some of the best camera angles and handheld shots. But it was it's use of extreme violence that I really liked. There wasn't much of it but when there was it was just right. Some films can overdo it and others don't use enough but Blomkamp seemed to know what was called for and when. Even his use of slo-mo was spot on.

Film of the Year:
Pacific Rim.
Unless you've been ignoring me for the last 5 months then you should have known this would be my film of the year. It was also the first film I ever saw in Imax 3D. If you're gonna see a film in 3D then see it in Imax because otherwise you will just be watching a dull picture with some blurry backgrounds. It will also be the first film I see on Blu-ray thanks to Aishling.
Why is this film so good? It's down to the action and the direction and the imagination. In lesser hands this could have been Transformers but in the hands of a genius like Guillermo del Toro we got a spectacular blockbuster the likes of which Americans largely ignored. But they can keep their inspirational music documentaries where a young Katy Perry realises her dream of being a whore. So long as del Toro keeps producing work like this I'm happy to ignore the ignorant and live in a fantasy world of pure bliss.

"Numbers are as close as we get to the handwriting of God"

 

 

Well, there you have it. The most definitive end of year review of the past year's films. And if you don't think so then I will attempt to bribe you with a prize. The first, or randomly selected person to answer the following question will win whatever I have lying around that I feel like giving away. It may be something awesome or it may be nothing at all. In all fairness I'd say it'd be either my sister or Aishling who bothers to answer.
What TV shows and/or films are the three heading quotes above taken from?
I want title and the character who said them.
Comment with your answers.

Now that my bribery is out of the way there is one thing left to do. My recommendation:
Santa's Slay.
It's about former wrestler Bill Goldberg killing people as Santy. Perfect for this time of year.

Have a Merry Christmas and...

Silver Shamrock

Halloween Horror Movie Marathon Massacre

Each year I hold my very own Halloween movie marathon. It is open to anyone who wishes to attend and last year I equalled the all time attendance record of 3. And that includes myself. This year I expect the attendance to range from 1 to 2.

How I feel.

This blog will be about some of the films I watched last year and some of the ones I'm planning on watching this year. I apologise if I don't review a lot of them efficiently enough but it has been a while since I've seen them. Hopefully there will be some that you'll like to watch yourself at this time of year, especially since most TV stations, here in Ireland anyway, seem to keep all their horror films for Christmas. Who doesn't like watching The Exorcist while taking down a whole selection box. Maybe it's a warning not to overdo it on the food.

"Too many cuntin' sprouts!"

"Sister, we are the freaks"

Thanks to Aishling, last year the marathon started off with Hocus Pocus. As it probably will do again this year. If you need to be told to watch this film then you definitely have not seen it and you are missing out. I'm pretty sure it is the perfect child-friendly Halloween film. And it has the dude from Eerie, Indiana in it.

Now that the child in you has been satisfied it's time to move onto The Mummy. This is the classic Boris Karloff Universal monster movie. Even though it is 70 years old it is still a great, quite suspenseful film.

You could be forgiven for thinking Stake Land would be a comedy about vampires since it came out a year after Zombieland but the only similarities are in the title. Also there is a grizzled older man helping a younger man across the country. But that's all. I think. It is actually more like The Road. During a time when everyone and their brain dead mothers are in love with any pale-faced fucker with sharp teeth and hair product, it's refreshing to find a film that knows how vampires are supposed to act. They want to kill you, not read poetry. This is a grim, grimey gem.

I had heard good things about Sleepaway Camp for some time. While it is a typical 80s slasher it does have some good deaths and an ending you need to see that puts it on a higher level than some of it's peers.

The Return of the Living Dead is a classic. It expertly combines black comedy with horror gore and has some of the best looking zombies in any film, before or since. Everyone will remember the half dead woman and especially the Tarman zombie. But you shouldn't expect anything less from the man who wrote Alien and Total Recall.

"Wow. Dubstep sucks"

"BRAAAAAAAIIIINS"

Did you discover the theme of the list of films above? It was types of monsters of horror. There were witches, a mummy, vampires, slasher and zombies. I also had a serial killer one that I didn't get round to watching. Maybe this year.

I still haven't decided what I want to watch this Halloween but I did come up with two themes I could go for. Or I might just watch anything I feel like.

The first theme is films by famous horror directors.

"There's something in the fog"

Rather than write a piece on each film I'll just list them out.

John Carpenter's The Fog (or The Thing, or Halloween or Prince of Darkness, or Big Trouble in Little China)
Suspiria by Dario Argento (If you only see one film about a ballet school make it this one)
Black Sabbath by Mario Bava (I am quite fond of a portmanteau)
Pan's Labyrinth by Guillermo del Toro (A masterpiece)
Audition by Takashi Miike (or Imprint, his hour long episode for The Masters of Horror series)
The House by the Cemetery by Lucio Fulci (Worth watching just for Simple Bob)

The next theme I thought of was sequels.

"Awww, i guess she had something to do"

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (It steps away from Michael Myers for a new story, the way John Carpenter had planned for the Halloween movies to be)
Amityville II: The Possession (I recently bought this in Dealz for €1.49. The Z stands for "Value")
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (I think this is the second best film in the series)
The Devil's Rejects (A great road movie with an awesome clown)
The Exorcist III (Undoes the terribleness of the second film)
Troll 2 (You can thank me after you watch it)

"Tutti fuckin' frutti"

They be the films I might be watching this Halloween. And if they're not I will let you know whether you like it or not. Also if you have any favourites of your own or any recommendations for me then drop me a comment.
Now for my recommendation for you:

Trick 'r Treat

It's a pretty awesome Halloween film that everyone who loves Halloween should see. And watch again every year. Don't confuse it with the other Trick or Treat. If Ozzy and Gene Simmons are in it then you have the wrong one. But watch it anyway.

I suppose that will be all for now. Get out there and watch some horror films.

Jurassic World?

"They'll fix you. They fix everything"

They don't always fix it for the better. And sometimes things don't need fixing at all. The above quote is from the original RoboCop film. I think you can guess where I'm going with this now. This week had the reveal of the first trailer for the new RoboCop which basically took everything awesome about the original and dumped it into a vat of toxic waste and then drove a van into its poor froggy face.

I'm not gonna put up the trailer here. Call it my civic duty. You can find it yourself but just know that the suit is all wrong, how Murphy ends up near death is PG-13 and there was nary a sign of one of the funny awesome TV ads from the original. Also I don't understand how his voice is normal but when he puts his helmet on it goes all robotic?

You have 20 years to comply

This year marked the 20th anniversary of possibly one of the best films to come out in the 90s. I remember seeing Jurassic Park when it first came out in 1993 when I was 10 years old. Now 20 years later I got to see it again in the cinema at the ripe old age of 26. This time in 3D. And if you've been paying attention to my previous blogs you should know that I will only watch 3D films in Imax from now on. And so I did with Jurassic Park. And it looked amazing. One part in particular when the raptors are after the kids and one of them sticks his head up and it looked like he was in the front row of the cinema and you want to yell "Down in front." Who doesn't want a creature coming that close to them?

The only way they could have made Jurassic Park better all those years ago was to make you feel a part of it. It only took 20 years but now you can feel like you're hiding behind the tree with Dr. Grant and the kids as they watch the T-Rex attack the Gallimimus'. At least you could feel like that if it had stayed in the cinema longer. I don't know why all these great films are only out for a limited time while so much crap is shown for nearly a month. An hour would be too long for a lot of them.

  If the chance ever arises again you should drop everything and go see it. Hopefully you won't be surrounded by a bunch of hipster wads who have to laugh at every little joke just to let everyone know that they got it. You don't know Hell until you hear terrible haircuts in the dark going "Huh huh huh."

"Well give the man a hand"

This past weekend I also watched two horror films. Not my usual fare of awesome 80's films or Japanese Super Gore. Or terrible horrors for that matter. But actual made in the last few years horrors. The first one was Insidious. I had been meaning to watch it for a long time and the TV decided it was about time too. I have to say it was quite enjoyable. It was made by the Saw guys and they do know how to do horror on a budget. The best part being that they didn't rely on an over abundance of CGI like most horror films do these days. The actual ghosts were played by actual people in costumes which added to the tension. Nothing takes you out of a film more than some fake ass shit.

The second half of my horror double bill was Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. It's about little creatures who live in the dark and befriend a small human girl but are evil little buggers. Unfortunately because of the rating it didn't/couldn't have people being killed which I thought took something away from it. It just needed that little push over the edge. Even though it was co-written by Guillermo del Toro it still lacked his style. I think that had he directed it himself it would have had the fairytale feel which would work for the story and if there were more kills it would have made it more grown up.

"Your move, creep"

That's the end of that now. All that is left is for my recommendation and for you to admit that you read those Franklin quotes in his voice.
Since you watched Tokyo Gore Police last time (yeah right) I think I'll be gentle on you this time.

Monster Squad

A delightful tale about the Universal monsters coming to a small town with plans to take over the world and some kids who befriend Frankenstein. And the Wolfman has got nards.
Also Tom Noonen play Frankenstein and he was in the sequel to the film that I quoted about the place here. It all ties together and you didn't even know. Without me you'd just go on living your life not knowing that. You're welcome. High five!?

Today I Talk About The Apocalypse

 

Pacific Rim may not be getting a sequel. If that's not a sign of the apocalypse then i don't know what is.

The fact that more people went to see Grown Ups 2 than went to see Pacific Rim must have something to do with one of the Horsemen. Possibly the fifth Horseman: Retard. Because if you haven't seen Pacific Rim and absolutely loved it then Retard the Horseman must have touched you. Inappropriately too, I bet.

I've decided not to endorse your shark

 

First off I will say something about Imax 3D. If you read my last main blog post then you'll know what I think of it. I had never been to an Imax film before and I decided (on the day I saw Mastodon) that I would like to see one and I designated Pacific Rim as the film that I would want to see in this new way. So me and the little lady booked our tickets online (it's cheaper that way) and headed to the big city. There were posters outside the screen saying something like: "You can see a movie or be a part of it." I thought it was a bit boastful and didn't think anything of it. Until I actually put on the glasses and got to see something in Imax 3D.

You're gonna need a bigger park

 

The first thing I saw in this new style was a trailer for Jurassic Park 3D and it looks outstanding. From the Gallimimus' running, to Jeff Goldblum's foot in your face. Remember when you first saw Jurassic Park and the feeling you got that it was something special? Imax 3D will give you that feeling again 20 years later. And if I get the chance to see it again I can't wait to have the T-Rex roaring in my face. A bit like when I went to Walking with Dinosaurs last year. Imax 3D may have ruined normal 3D films for me but I already hated them anyway, I just now know for definite that they are a waste of money. Imax 3D, just like garlic bread, IS the future.

Pacific Rimmed

 

From the first trailer I knew that I would love this film. Not only is it about giant robots fighting giant monsters but it was made by Guillermo del Toro. The man doesn't know how to make a bad film. He's made two of my favourite comic book movies in Hellboy 1 and 2 and I don't think anyone can hate Pan's Labyrinth, and if you do then you need to learn to read (I'm assuming you hated it because it has subtitles). Del toro is still a kid at heart and it shows in the different creatures he makes. A lot of them could only be thought up by a child. Albeit a child who has nightmares a lot. If I owned a film studio I would give del Toro as much money as he wanted just so he could keep making the films he wants and we deserve. Also he geeks out when he sees a giant Gundam robot. Witness:

If you have read other reviews you may think this is a "dumb" summer film. While it's not a "smart" film like Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy it is far from dumb. I would say Prometheus is a dumb film, but that's more down to the film having been written by a a group of 7 year olds. Transformers is a dumb film. Actually I would say the Transformers films had been ass blasted by Retard the Horseman. Similarly Michael Bay. But if you enjoyed Avengers Assemble (or whatever it's called this week) and didn't think it was silly, what with all the aliens, gods and the roided up super human, then you should have no problem with Pacific Rim.

 

The acting isn't the best. But really if you're watching this for the acting then you're not doing it right. This is a film all about the spectacle. It's a blockbuster the way it's supposed to be done. Don't let the story get in the way. It's about GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING GIANT MONSTERS. But still it makes you care about some of the characters such as Ron Perlman and Charlie Day. Besides, you should be caring about them in real life as it is.

So as we've discovered the acting isn't the best and the story leaves a little to be desired but what makes this such a great film is GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING GIANT MONSTERS. As a child if you had toys and an imagination then you will love seeing your toys duking it out on the big screen. This is what Imax 3D was waiting for. You feel like you're actually in the film and could touch Charlie Hunnam on the shoulder (or somewhere else, am I right ladies?). Also my favourite part was when the little helicopters would fly by and you think you could catch them because they looked so small compared to the Jaegers and Kaiju.

In conclusion, as if you couldn't guess, Pacific Rim is an awesome blockbuster film. It's just a shame that it may not be thought of that way due to a bad American box office. But there is hope. It has done amazingly well in China, which once again has saved America for their poor decisions, and there is talk of a sequel.

The best review I can give this film is that after the first 20 minutes I turned to Aishling and said "Is this the best film we have ever seen?", but I already knew the answer. So just imagine how much better it gets in the next two hours.

http://4thstringjaegers.tumblr.com/

Go there if you like the pictures of the Jaegers.

"Fish are friends, not food"

 

Recommendation time. This time I recommend:

Tokyo Gore Police.

If you have ever wanted to enter the world of Japanese Super Gore then this is a good place to start. Just don't expect to come out of it the same person you were when you went in. You will see things.

Well that's it again. Hope you liked it. And remember:

Some Terrible News

"I want to know who you're meeting in the cemetery"

I have decided to update my blog more often and the best way to do this will be to give my views on recent news items in the world of film and music and anything else I feel like doing because it's my blog and I can do what I want.

"Look at the pelican fly. Come on pelican!"

 First up is the news of a remake of Scarface.
We all know that Al Pacino IS Scarface. So trying to recreate the character with anyone else would be like Kanye West trying to convince people he's Jesus. You can tell people you're the second coming all you want but Jesus would never have to tell people he's Jesus. And he wouldn't be such an arrogant, talentless gay fish either.
But I digress. Here's a quote from The Hollywood Reporter about what the film will be about:

Each [of the previous films] were crime sagas telling the rise and fall of a gangster, and each was a mirror of their time. The 1932 version was set in Chicago and featured bootlegging, Italians and Irish mobsters. The 1983 version was set in Latin-loving Miami and cocaine was the vice of choice.
The new Scarface is planned to be the same: a crime tale set in today’s world, offering a dark look at the American Dream.

So it's going to be about today's "American Dream"? I guess we can expect Tanning Chatum teaming up with Sam "One Character" Worthington to stop a black man from taking their guns away all while trying to prevent abortions and breaking up gay marriages.

 

A Host of problems.

Well really only one. Snowpiercer is the new film from The Host director Bong Joon-ho. It is doing amazingly well in Korean cinemas but that hasn't stopped Harvey Weinstein from wanting to cut 20 minutes from the film to dumb it down for American audiences (pretty much his own words). The film is only 126 minutes as it is and if 20 minutes were to be cut from it it would "eliminate much of the character detail, which would make the film seem more like an action movie." I'm sure not all Americans need or want films cut so they think their watching another Michael Bay film. It's just another case of an asshole film exec maiming an artists work just to fill his pockets.

Whatever happened to originality?

Akira is back. But only as an Americanised live action film. That doesn't make a lick of sense. That's like remaking a Lucio Fulci film without the dubbed voices and with CGI effects. Nobody wants it. You know why? Because it lacks a soul. Apparently Warner's want to get it made because they are unhappy with the lack of box office made from recent films like Pacific Rim. If there's one way to make money from Americans who don't like giant robots and monsters based on Japanese anime and kaiju films it's by making a live action film based on a Japanese manga and anime.

"It's always with the goddamn fucking chicken"

So I should end on a pretty good note, the remake of Poltergeist may have Sam Rockwell in it. Now that's how you cast for a remake.

This blog was brought to you by an ad for Lucio Fulci season on horror channel and Little Miss Sunshine which is on now. Not on horror channel.
I hope my next blog isn't as much an attack on Americans as this one seems to be. But just in case you were wondering, I do not have any oil so don't bother attacking back. Unless you want sunflower oil.